Reclaiming Reset As Return

Why beginning again is about coming home, not starting over

gratitude, honesty, accountability & self-compassion

Thank you for reading my last post and for writing back. Many of you said it brought you home to yourself. Some of you shared that you have been in a hard season with health and life and are finally on the mend. Others said the word reset stirred shame because you did not feel able to begin again. Some of you said there is no space to reset at all, not with a house full of growing children and the soundtrack of family life. I hear you.

Why now: Autumn is change season. Shorter days, longer evenings. Perfect for returns that don’t demand reinvention.

Let us use this space to redefine reset. For me, reset means return. Return to self. Return to calm, steady control rather than punishment.

Return to discipline that builds rather than breaks. Return to small measures that help you tell the truth about where you are without turning the truth into a weapon.

It is a return to the self you have abandoned. The self you sometimes perform for the camera while knowing it is a performance.

I wanted to share my thoughts through writing because it was more than a creative outlet. It was a way to share my perspective and to stand in it. I often say I talk a lot, but writing asks me to listen to myself. Socrates, in Plato’s Apology, said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Studying philosophy has been one of the best things I have done, even though I never graduated. When something I loved began to feel like a hard task, I ran from it. That starting and stopping is one of the most memorable patterns of my life. This space is how I practise returning.

I too am also guilty of showing the after. After the home is tidy. After the workout. After the glow. I have not always shown the before and the during. The move that felt like lifting a mountain. The family fallout and going no contact with parents.

The interviews that did not go my way. The test scores I did not share. The friendships that thinned through misunderstanding and a lack of boundaries. We are trained to show the after. The work lives in the middle.

So here is our reframed reset. It is not a cinematic before and after, or a £50k renovation project. It is not a magic pill. Reset is trying. Reset is attempting. Reset is starting again with self-commitment and gentle discipline. Reset is the small step toward who you want to become until your days match your words.

Before we go further, it helps to name what reset is not

• Not punishment. No shaming, no penance.

• Not perfection. You don’t need a clean slate to take a clean step.

• Not expensive. It’s one square metre, not a no limit shopping spree.

• Not performance. No curated afters without honest durings.

• Not hustle. More force ≠ more change.

• Not amnesia. We encourage integration of lessons; not erasure of them.

• Not avoidance. Busyness isn’t bravery.

• Not self-disappearance. Care does not erase the carer.

• Not reserved for “me-first” personalities.

Reset isn’t a selfish rebrand; it’s care that includes you without excluding others.

If it requires you to hide, hurt, overwork, overspend, or pretend—you’re not resetting, you’re performing. Return instead.

The Return Rituals

(simple, doable, tonight)

• Light: one candle.

• Body: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 7 (x4 rounds).

• Line: write one sentence that starts, “I am returning to ____ by ____.”

• Place: reset one square metre.

• Close: lay out tomorrow’s mug and vitamins or workout outfit.

Heart

Place a hand on your chest and tell the truth. Where have you been performing? Where have you been hiding? One line is enough: I want to be someone who ____ and today I did ____ to honour that.

Tap to Return (60 seconds)

• Collarbone point: say one line of what didn’t serve you today (“I kept scrolling when I felt anxious”).

• Side of hand: name one kind action you’ll try next (“Tonight I’ll charge my phone in the hallway”).

• Top of head: finish with, “I’m returning—small is strategy.”

Research on self-compassion shows that kind acts protect wellbeing better than harsh self-talk. Shame freezes. Care moves. Grace still matters. Flexibility builds trust. Notice when flexibility becomes self-disappearance and return.

Home

Pick one square metre and make it support the person you are becoming. A tray by the kettle for vitamins. A basket by the door so the hallway breathes. Your outfit laid out the night before so tomorrow begins with ceremony rather than scramble. The nervous system likes repeated cues. Small cues teach the body it is safe to keep going.

Play Reset Roulette. Write five tiny home tasks on slips. Pick one and do only that.

Take a photo of the one square metre before and after and save it in an album called Return. Review on Sundays.

If the house is loud and crowded, borrow five minutes in the bathroom with the door locked and a candle by the sink. Small is not failure. It is strategy.

Don’t worry about those who use guilt to get their own way. Find atonement that reveals the pattern: tell the truth to yourself about how guilt pulls you away from self and into needless compromise, and let that truth be enough. You don’t have to debate it. A clear boundary and a simple no are complete sentences. There are weeks when you give more because someone you love needs more. Put an end point on the extra giving and recalibrate.

I’m not above the work—I’m in it. None of this is top-down advice or a “do as I say, not as I do.” It’s the same practice I’m holding myself to. If you’re on IG (@Monai_Lifestyle), you’ve seen us share our tiny commitments together each week.

Decide once so you do not decide daily. Write one simple rule for the week and place it where you will see it. Examples: screens away by ten; walk for ten minutes after lunch; one load of laundry from wash to folded.

These are anchors, not punishments. Identity grows from repeated actions. Candice Brathwaite paints her fingernails red so it's one less decision to make. That is the spirit. Choose once and move and as Candice puts it, “The biggest part of manifesting is getting up and working.”

Mind

Decide Once List (3 items max)

Post it on the mirror in the bathroom or by the front door:

1. Screens away by 10

2. Ten-minute walk after lunch

3. One load from wash to folded

Most of us default to two modes: beating ourselves up or making sprawling to-do lists we never finish. This practice interrupts both. First, you name two real wins (truths) to anchor identity. Then you choose one next visible action (a task) so tomorrow has a single clear start. It’s small on purpose: repetition builds identity.

So let's play Two truths and a task. Write two truths you are proud of from today and one small task for tomorrow.

To stay accountable, set a check-in with a friend every week. Answer three questions: What did I return to? What got in the way? What will I try next week?

Try speaking to yourself as you would to a friend who is trying something new. Warm. Direct. Specific.

Some seasons invite stretch. Stretch returns to centre. Strain frays the fabric. Learn the difference in your body.

When I look back, I notice how much I tried to be the version of me I hoped others would see, particularly when no one was watching. I wasn’t there yet. I’ve started and stopped, failed, wobbled, and started again. If you’re in your middle, you’re not behind; you’re returning. I’m still returning, doing the inner work until what I say and what I do match without effort.

We normalise the work by showing the work. So let’s make the middle visible.

Start small, one line today, so your words and days can meet, and because the middle needs language, here are three one-line returns to try now.

• I am returning to my body by ____

• I am returning to my home by ____

• I am returning to my mind by ____

Reset, for us, means return. Return to presence. Return to choices that honour care without erasing the carer. When we return again and again, the after becomes less of a performance and more of a quiet match between who we say we are and how we live when no one is watching.

With love always,

Mon ♡

disclaimer: This reflection is for inspiration and is not a substitute for therapy.